Ötzi the Iceman

What’s cooler than a mu’f*kin’ caveman?

A frozen caveman.

So, what’s cooler than a frozen caveman?


In 1991 two German tourists found ol’ Ötzi sticking out the side of glacier in the Alps on the border between Austria and Italy.  The Austrian authorities on the scene were total f*cking knuckleheads – they let tourists take pieces of his clothes and sh*t for souvenirs until real scientists showed up.

After study, the Iceman was determined to be 53 centuries old!  He was 5 ft., 5 in. tall and 46 years old at time of his death.  They put a probe up his pooper and found two meals up in there – one was chamois meat, and the other red deer.  Some grains, fruits, and roots were also mixed up in that sh*t.

He also had a bronze axe, a flint knife, and over 57 tattoos!

Nothing cool like a skull or a Lynard Skynard logo – just some lame lines and dots down his spine and on his knee and on his ankle.

Ötzi the Iceman

Published in: on August 31, 2007 at 5:54 pm  Comments (1)  

One CommentLeave a comment

  1. You’re crazy!

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