Nathaniel Hawthorne

Look! It’s Salem, Massachusetts native, author, and part-time transcendentalist Nathaniel Hawthorne!

Hawthorne was an omega f*ckin’ level author. You should read his works. You should read them right now.

My favorite story is Young Goodman Brown.

Transcendentalists protested against the general state of culture and the state of intellectualism at Harvard during the 183os. One of the groups’s core beliefs was that the spiritual state can only be realized through intuiton, rather than through the doctrines of established religions. Hawthorne hung with them on their commune for awhile, but eventually got sick of f*ckin’ farming and left.

Trivia: Nathaniel Hawthorne’s grandpa was one of the judges at the Salem Witch Trials.
Prduction Note: I said “f*ck you” to the sh*tty Paper Mate pens and kicked it strait Sharpie today baby!

Nathaniel Hawthorne

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Published in: on September 27, 2007 at 2:58 pm  Comments (1)  

Peter Lorre

Peter Lorre is my favorite classic actor – no one played little oddball turds like ol’ Lorre.

Born László Loewenstein to a Jewish family in part of Austria-Hungary that is now Slovakia, he became famous when played the child killer in Fritz Lang’s 1931 movie, M.

When the Nazis took power, Lorre fled to London where he met Alfred Hitchcock. Lorre didn’t really know English, so he bullsh*tted Hitchcock by, like, smiling and laughing alot as he spoke. He had to learn his lines for The Man Who Knew Too Much by ear!

Lorre played the role of Joel Cairo in The Maltese Falcon, and Ugarte in Casablanca.

He was a total bug-eyed little weird-o. I freakin’ love weird-os.

Peter Lorre – total weird-o

Published in: on September 26, 2007 at 3:16 pm  Comments (1)  

Chang & Eng Bunker

Someone stole my f*cking pen!!!  I guess I’ll make do with this sh*tty Paper Mate. . . f*ck Paper Mate pens by the way. They suck assholio.

Anyway, Chang & Eng are the conjoined twins whose condition and place of birth became the basis for the term “Siamese twins.”

Obviously, they were born in Saim (which is Thailand today). The brothers were born joined at the sternum and had fused livers. They were discovered by a British merchant and then exhibited as a curiosity.

Getting wise to the game, Chang & Eng later went into business for themselves. But while on tour in 1839 they stopped in North Carolina, dug the area, settled, became naturalized U.S. citizens, and adopted the last name “Bunker.”

They bought a plantation and a bunch of slaves.

This is very unfunky. I was always thought Saimese twins were, like, really f*cking cool – you know, like the Yeti and chupacabras and stuff. They even had kids that fought for the Confederacy.

Chang & Eng – Siamese twins

Published in: on September 25, 2007 at 2:13 pm  Comments (2)  

Duke Kahanamoku

Duke Kahanamoku was an amazing athlete and is also responsible for single-handedly popularizing the sport of surfing! Duke broke a f*ck load of swimming speed records and won a bunch of gold medals in the Olympics. He then integrated surfing into swiming exhibitions that he was asked to give in the US and Australia – and the rest was history.

Not only did he make a MASSIVE contribution to American cool, he also saved mu’fuckin’ lives! On June 14, 1925 at Newport Beach , Kahanamoku saved eight drowning men from a capsized fishing vessel! He loaded them one by one on his surf board and brought them in to shore – thus starting the tradition of lifeguards having rescue boards!

Duke was such a cool guy – too bad most surfers these days are territorial a-holes.

*Dedicated to Ohio’s only native female Great Lakes surfer, Marikate Workman.
Duke Kahanamoku

Published in: on September 21, 2007 at 2:24 pm  Comments (1)  

Sir Alexander Fleming

Sorry I haven’t been posting this week – I got sick. Not sick in the head, like, sick sick.  However, I have now been HEALED thanks to a discovery of today’s featured historical figure, Sir Alexander Turberville Fleming!

In 1928 Ol’ Flemming isolated the substance we now call penecilin from a fungus! His discovery has saved millions of f*ckers since! What an awesome guy!
Sir Alexander Turberville Fleming

Published in: on September 20, 2007 at 2:24 pm  Leave a Comment  

Meh-Teh

Meh-Teh, or Yeti as he’s more commonly known here in the West, is native to the Himalaya region of Nepal and Tibet. He is one of the most famous creatures in the field of cryptozoology!

Another native term for him is Bonmanche, or “wild man.”

The term “Abominable Snowman” wasn’t coined until 1921. It began when a reporter from an Indian newspaper mistranslated a Sherpa term used to describe the creature who could have left large tracks encountered by Lieutenant-Colonel Charles Howard-Bury on the Royal Georgraphical Society’s Everest reconnaissance expedition.

Many experts think that Meh-Teh is the offspring of a forbidden sexual union between a resident of Atlantis and a human.

Yeti

Published in: on September 13, 2007 at 1:41 pm  Comments (1)  

Emiliano Zapata

Today’s one-minute sketch is of the Tiger of the South – Emiliano Zapata Salazar!

Zapata was a key figure in the Mexican Revolution against the unfunky dictatorship of Porfirio Díaz.  Even though he liked flashy cowboy attire, he did not like the proto-capitalist feudal system of the haciendas, and fought for the rights of Native Americans and mestizos who were often forced into debt slavery.

F*ck “The Man”!

Emiliano Zapata

Published in: on September 12, 2007 at 3:24 pm  Comments (2)  

Arminius

Arminius was a German tribal leader from the northern Rhine valley who defeated the Roman army lead by Emperor Tiberius’s bratty-ass nephew in the 1st century BC.

Earlier in life Arminius had been trianed as a Roman military commander, and even attained citizenship – but later decided to go home and drive the Romans out!

Yes, he really did wear that pimp helmet with the wings!

Arminius

Published in: on September 11, 2007 at 2:20 pm  Comments (1)  

Thor Heyerdahl

This guy is, like, totally my favorite ethnographer ever. I mean, how many other ethnographers do you even know by name? And if you know another one, is their name as cool as Thor?!? F*ck no.

Heyerdahl became most famous for his expedition on the Kon-Tiki. He and his road dogs thought that the Polynesian Islands coulda been settled by South Americans way back in the day. So, Thor built a straw raft based on old Spanish Conquistador drawings of Inca vessels – and took off to prove his point!  His boat smashed into a reef in the Tuamotu Islands on August 7, 1947.

Heyerdahl also did extensive studies on those pimp-ass heads on Easter Island. Clearly, the mighty Thor was into cool sh*t.

Production note: I took longer than a minute to draw this one – I wanted to include the boat.  It took me closer to four minutes today. 

The Mighty Thor!

Published in: on September 10, 2007 at 2:27 pm  Comments (2)  

David Coverdale’s Hair

Bonus Friday Sketch!

David Coverdale’s hair reached historic proportions during the Whitesnake period – YouTube the “Here I Go Again” video and behold its wind-swept majesty.

There can be no doubt that this is the most amazing quaf ever!

David Coverdale’s Hair

Published in: on September 7, 2007 at 3:54 pm  Leave a Comment  

William Moulton Marston

Meet famous psychologist, feminist theorist, and comic book creator Dr. William Moulton Marston!

Not only did he create the modern polygraph lie detector and  Wonder Woman, he also created a progressive polygamist home life!

The same year he graduated from Harvard, Marston married Elizabeth Holloway, who went on to earn an M.A. and a law degree.  Later, when he was teaching at Tufts University, Marston met a student named Olive – and brought her into the love nest.

Marston had two children with each of his wives.

William Moulton Marston

Published in: on September 7, 2007 at 2:11 pm  Comments (1)  

Mr. Wizard

After blowing the sh*t out of the axis forces as a bomber pilot in WWII, Don Herbert returned to Chicago and began teaching generations of American children how to blow the sh*t out of regular household items with two hit television shows, Watch Mr. Wizard and Mr. Wizard’s World.

What an awesome guy!

Though how he could tolerate the dumbf*ck kids they stuck him with for all those years, I don’t know. I mean, seriously, they were f*cking mutants.

Mr. Wizard

Published in: on September 5, 2007 at 2:09 pm  Leave a Comment  

Hannibal

Today’s one-minute sketch is of famed Carthaginian military commander, and father of modern military tactics, Hannibal.

He was a mighty sh*t kicker, and used elephants to run roughshot over the Roman Empire in the Second Punic War! He shook the sh*t out of the Romans so bad that for generations, whenever disaster struck or a loud noise was heard, people would exclain “Hannibal ad portas!” – which translates to “Hannibal is at the gates!”

Hannibal

Published in: on September 4, 2007 at 1:42 pm  Leave a Comment