Grigori Rasputin

Behold religious mystic, wanderer, faith healer, and superf*cker Grigori Rasputin!

Rasputin attained notoriety for supposedly “healing” the son of Tsar Nicholas II, who like many inbred aristocrats, was a hemophiliac – if the little sh*t fell down and got a bruise, he’d bleed for days. Supposedly, through a combination of hypnosis, prayer, and sound advise like “Don’t let the doctors bother him too much,” and ” Don’t use the leeches on him,” Rasputin healed the young Tsarevich time and again. The royal family pretty much thought he was, like, super powered by God – and did anything he told them.

Rasputin’s religious views included the belieft that the body was a sacred gift from God – attaining divine grace through sins of the flesh was the only way to go! This was one of the chief doctrines that he preached to (and practiced with) his inner circle of society ladies, but eventually the aristocratic dudes got sick of his foolishness and planned to kill him.

First they got the Mad Monk drunk and fed him cakes laced with enough cyanide to drop an elephant. Rasputin remained unaffected! Determined to finish the job, one of the would-be killers got impatient, ran upstairs, got a gun, and shot him in the back.

Rasputin fell, and the group left for awhile.

The dude who shot him apparently forgot his coat and when he went back in to get it Rasputin jumped up, screamed “You bad boy,” and choked the mu’f*cker! Rasputin then ran out the mu’f*ckin’ house fast as f*ck but the conspirators, now joined by a British secret agent shot him three more times! Rasputin still struggled so they clubbed his head, bundled him up, and dropped him in the freezing river.

Why would the British want to whack him? Cuz Rasputin was insisting that the Tsar withdraw his troops from WWI – if that would’ve happened the British woulda been f*cked.
Rasputin the Mad Monk
You are under his power now. . .get naked!

Published in: on October 8, 2007 at 3:25 pm  Leave a Comment  

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